By Refraction

NEUSTAETER: Comfort and Joy — It’s okay not to be okay at Christmas

Dec 16, 2018 | 6:00 AM

IDEALLY, AND FOR MANY, the Christmas season is a time of joyful anticipation, traditions, family and festivity.

Those who experience a quintessential Christmas that is free of heavy-heartedness should never feel guilty about the peace and celebration of their season; after all, it’s what I would choose for every human on the planet if I could.

But the truth is that in this season of celebration many of us are also hurting.

Whether it’s because we’ve lost someone who would normally gather with us around the tree, or because we have relationships that are broken (leaving a different but still painful empty space in our lives) or because we can’t fulfill the ever-mounting pressures that were never supposed to be the point of the season, it can be hard to be surrounded by the laughter and lightheartedness of others when what we’re feeling is grief, abandonment or inadequacy.

In a season decked out with pretty lights, beautifully wrapped gifts and songs of merriment, you might find yourself in a place that feels removed from others, weighed down with grief or crippled by anxiety or depression.

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While I’m mostly a fan of social media, it also can reinforce our secret suspicions that no one else is as flawed as we are; that other families are living their picture perfect, curated lives while ours is upside-down.

Whether we are hiding the truth or are hurting too much to express it out loud, our public faces often don’t convey the whole story of what is happening behind the filters and the smiles.

In our current culture, where we regularly present only the best of ourselves to publicly magnify the highlight reel and privately grieve the wounded reality, it’s easy to trick ourselves into believing that we’re the only ones who are struggling through life, have an empty seat at the table or can’t buy the things on our children’s wish list.

Friends, the truth is that there are no perfect families or perfect lives; we’re all just doing our best where we’re at, with what we have. And that’s okay.

Everyone is going through something and that doesn’t stop just because it’s Christmas.

For some people, this season makes the private pain we’re going through feel a bit better and for some it makes the difficult things even harder, but it’s important to remember that it’s okay to be broken, flawed and real; even — or maybe especially — at Christmas.

While we rejoice in the beautiful and meaningful parts of this seasons and try to intentionally stop to count our blessings, I also want you to know that you aren’t alone if you are hurting at this time of year. We all have broken parts and there can be as much holiness in suffering as there is in celebration; a refining through the darkest days.

Yes, Christmas is about joyful anticipation, traditions, family and gathering — but more so it is about hope, peace, joy and love, and those things can be found even under the weight of our disappointment, loss and grief.

That’s why it is known as the season of both comfort and joy; the season where we remember that Christmas began with the light of one bright star breaking through the darkness to lead humanity to the promise of a future.

That hopeful promise is just as true for us today as it was on the first Christmas, no matter what our circumstances.

If Christmas is a hard season for you then lean into the comfort of the season today and wait for the joy to come tomorrow.

And remember: you aren’t alone.